跟老板处到了这步田地，怎么办？（2）

下面是偶自己的事情了。
偶一开始没什么，就使劲心寒而已，到了10月底把，突然老板把我叫过去，问我的class
schedule，然后就叫“you're too free,you can sleeping allday at home! you
should work in the lab!”偶说偶要先看点文献有点background才行吧，后来总算拿了
点文献回去了，也没怎么去lab，看文献总不用在那里看吧。。。。（现在才发现原来这
在老板的概念里是错的。。。）从10月份开始，偶都在忙日本的签证，无数繁，一直下不
来，在学期的最后一天终于下来了，于是我跟老板说我寒假要去日本，他立马脸都变了，
说为什么不早点告诉他，我解释说签证问题，他说我一有这个想法就要告诉他。。偶不解
。。。难道偶又错了？反正后来偶就去了日本，整寒假就没有干活。估计老板已经开始不
爽了。
从日本回来以后，时差怎么也倒不过来，什么也不想吃，发豆豆发疹子，mc也出了问题。
这个学期选课，偶选了一门核心课一门老板的高分子课，结果第一个星期，偶也不知道干
什么，就上午上课，然后去实验室整理分给我的实验台，做些准备工作，好几个下午都看
病去了，心理的，生理的，等等。结果才到礼拜四，老板就发来email说对我第一周的表
现很不满意，我一共只在实验室呆了1个小时。。。。。郁闷，根本是每天一小时都不止
阿，而且他又没有每分每秒呆在实验室，凭什么统计的如此精确阿。然后就找我谈话，让
我把核心课drop掉，先专心作出点成果来，然后给了个跟上学期看得文献风马牛不相及的
project让我做，而且要我先做起实验，说做熟了再看文献才理解的更好。
偶寒。。。。。不知道老板到底什么居心。。。。。

跟老板处到了这步田地，怎么办？（3）

于是欧就老老实实的开始做实验拉，高分子聚合反应一般总要几个钟头的，我一般就开了
反应，人就去办公室干别的事情（这学期作TA），因为实验室里很多化学味道，而且挤了
三个人，及其不爽。第一个星期被老板说成只花了1个钟头在实验室，第二个星期偶就白
天都干活，晚上和周末没有去。我也不知道为什么，心里总有对这种high load work恐惧
，而且有逆反心理。结果老板又来了一封email催命了。
Hardworking is this groups trandition. Everybody except you spends some time
working in the evening and on weekend. Right now, you are new to everything
and need to learn these skills. I do not understand why you want to the be the
exception.
As I told you, your graduation depends on youself. If you really take your
graduate study serious, I suggest you being the part of the trandition.

shit的group tradition,根本就是他自己的tradition，谁不是被他逼着在做啊！

这时候又出了一件事情，关于这个暑假的计划。偶系秘要我填个申请暑假工钱的表，偶想
到老妈正催着偶回去办婚礼呢，要是回去了，暑假可能干不了多少活，也就不要钱了，正
在跟系秘说能不能这个表晚点交我可能暑假要回去，被老板进来听见，立马就变了脸，把
偶叫到办公室劈头就问偶到底想不想做phd乐，为什么他是the last one that hear the
news I will leave in summer。。。。偶莫名，暑假想回去跟作phd有什么关系阿，又夸
张的说什么他是last one啊，我还没有决定好会不会去呢，现在才2月份，就算现在跟你
说也不算晚八。。。。老板统统不听，最后抛过来一句：if you make me suffer,I will
make you suffer。。。。把偶气的，转身就走，出了门就眼泪哗啦啦，这是老板该说的
话吗！而且偶当时一直莫名的很，直到现在才明白，原来那时候他已经在feel suffer了
。

一半是给那句话给吓得，偶开始在晚上干活了。但是做过化学的人都知道，不可能每时每
刻都在做实验的，反应，
沉淀，干燥什么，都是耗时间的process，偶经常在这些时候溜回办公室去，看文献做作
业批作业什么，然而这又错了。老板来了封policy of worktime:
In my group. I hope to work hard together to produce things for our mutual
benifits. I hope you all make better use of your time, ESPECUALLY YOUR
WORKTIME.
Therefore, YOU SHOULD NOT be in your office all the time. Our work is
experimental, and thus you should be in the lab but not sitting in your
office!

In the morning, NObody can be later than 9:20 except that you work very later
in the prior night (after 11:30).

偶不解，问worktime到底指什么时候啊，结果老板给了个不伦不类的回答：
ANY TIME YOU NEED WORK!
还大写加感叹！

于是偶只能没事也呆在实验室，总算明白了老板的规律：每天上午，下午，晚上过来巡视
三趟，如果不在，就说明你那半天没来，如果你什么时候偷了懒，老板也不会记得之前你
曾经勤奋工作过。另外两个把偶同学比下去的很work hard的人，偶看着也没怎么hard，
也没有出成果，就是一直呆在实验室而已，晚上不做实验也呆着然后很晚回去而已。偶是
熬不动夜的人，晚上一般十一点就回去了，是group里面回去最早的。。。估计这也是老
板不爽的原因。老板自己是不要personal life得人，于是也不会考虑到我们的personal
life，曾经有一次晚上10点还要我开个三个小时的反应，偶说太晚了偶明天作，结果老板
立马脸色都变了。。。。。

跟老板处到了这步田地，怎么办？（4）

最近的活，偶自认为都尽心尽力的干了，唯一的错，就是周末没有去干活。前天，2月29
号，老板终于爆发了，不顾正下着雪刮着大风，把偶叫到学校去，问偶为什么不去干活，
问偶到底想不想做这个project，问偶到底要不要继续呆在这里。
偶很坦白的说，偶想做高分子，不是很乐意做有机合成。老板说做高分子就绝对脱不了做
有机合成，我过来了，拿他的钱，却说不愿意干活，it's unfair to him。老板让我做个
decision到底要不要呆在这里，写一封正式的letter给他。偶想了好久，觉得问题不在于
project本身。说实话，有多少人过来是因为真的疯狂爱好project。只要project不错，
对自己有好处，就做了贝。偶们的问题，是我看不惯老板的push，老板不满我的“偷懒”
。我想了一夜，就这么写了：
Why I came to your group is because I hoped to do research on polymers and
receive an American style education, and the most important reason was, I
regarded you as a nice person with great academic achievements, being one of
your fellows would be a happy experience and benefit my future life.
From my observation and own experience during my stay here, I do respect your
academic achievements and appreciate your wonderful projects. That’s why I
took on the current project without hesitation, although it may involve some
organic synthesis that I’m not strong at, nor very favored. I have the
confidence to carry on the project well, and I’m willing to do anything
benefit, regardless of how much interest I have. The problem between us now is
not on the project itself, that’s because I’m disappointed at your push
attitude and group policy, which requires us to work overtime at late night
and on weekends, and extremely, not allow us to spend time in the office
during work time. Your actions and words give rise to an opposite result of
making me reluctant to follow your order to work overtime, and you has left me
a negative impression by the terrible words “If you make me suffer, I will
make you suffer” two weeks ago.
I do not intend to cheat any of us, or make both suffer. I’m doing my best to
carry on my doctoral program well. I’m trying my best to get accustomed to
your policy by working at night. Whether I could stay in your group is of your
decision.

跟老板处到了这步田地，怎么办？（5+总结）

结果老板回信把我说的每一句话都驳斥了一遍：
1. You have no right to say "disappointed at my push attitude" right now. Do
you work hard? Are you familar with experiments already? How many experiment
points you have got? What time do you come here every day? I am pushing now,
What happen if I do not push?
If you project goes well, I do not push. JUst like Dr. Tang, he arrange his
time by himself. I never see a word even he is not here during worktime. But
can you do as he does by your own conscience?
Yes, I ask you to work overtime. First, I work overtime for your high
payment, and then you should work to get good results. If you can not, you
need work overtime to get it. Second, if you work effciently, you may need not
to work overtime. But did you? You even sleep during worktime. Is this right?
Why you should sit in your office during worktime? Do you swear that you
worked in your office? If you say you were there reading literature, you come
I ask some questions regarding the literature.
You left here more than one month for Japan and just informed me at the last
minite. You ask our Department head if you should have paid holiday! You ask
him how much his student pay is. After you came back, you did not immediately
come to work even. I am not reasonable, ask youself if you are reasonalbe!!!!
For this summer, you still tried to hold me to know you will not be here? Are
you reasonable?

2. Now you say that you are willing to do organic experiments. What did you
tell me yesterday?! You may be scared by your husband case. If that is the
case, you should withdraw you application! Jun told you everythingabout my
research and she told you there would be organic synthesis. Now you came to
here with my offer and after more than half year pay, you tell me you would
not do any organic synthesis!!! Is this fair? You think I am not a reasonable
person, how about yourself?

Look at your work attitude!!! It seems you do not have interest in the
project. I thus want to change your pro

3. Yes, that is what I said and it is still my policy to anybody. I do my best
to make you and everybody to work here happily. I need not your or anybody's
appreciation, but I just need you to do you job!!! You made me high blood
pressure and could not do anything. If you alway do this to me, should I do my
every effort happy?



4. I want to have a student here to be a student working for thesis, not one
to fight with. I know that you already told sb on a schoolbus that you would
not be easy to me. I still try to be nice to you, but what did you do to me?



I welcom your stay, but it's up to you. DO NOT hold me to the last minites
with your decision.



When you ask sb to be reasonable, to be reasonable first!!!

偶看了很郁闷。偶不知道自己作为学生到底有什么权利了，连feel disappointed都不行
。他也没有理解偶决定做这个project得意图，只记得偶说过偶不想做。还说偶在worktim
e睡觉，那就是昨天上午的事情，偶把letter给他，然后说熬夜了，睡一会。。。。还说
什么偶在校车上说要对他不利。。。。真不知道哪里听来的，偶确实只在家里跟两个好朋
友抱怨一下，说实在受不了了就要写complain而已，在校车上偶从来不喜欢说话的。

确实，偶也犯了很多错误，在一开始就没有跟老板很好的沟通，也从来没有站在他的立场
上想过。因为一开始偶就看到了老板是怎么对待偶同学，是怎么push所有group的人的，
在偶自己的task开始之前，就已经对老板寒心，有成见了。始终是一种逆反心理在作祟，
让我不乐意fellow老板，让我一直在那里挑战老板的权威，这是我犯的最大的错误。但是
我已经在改了，在努力的工作努力的适应，不明白老板为什么突然发难。
对于老板，他的心并不坏，但是脾气急躁，而且颇有中国土皇帝的作风，喜欢强加自己的
意愿在别人身上，碰上偶这么个吃软不吃硬的人，真的只能说是style不合了。有时候，
偶真希望老板能讲究一点处事的艺术，在偶们加班干活的时候能赞扬一下，而不是显得“
就是应该这样”；在给我们派活的时候，说一点please,thank you，而不是用权威的命令
的口气。。。如果这样，也许偶现在就是个心甘情愿日干夜干的实验狂了。我需要的是mo
tivated,not pushed。而且我觉得，老板之所以push，源于对我们的不信任，不相信我们
会自己干活，而且以偏概全，偶迟到一次就变成一直迟到，只要有一次不好的印象那就彻
底不好了。这是最让我心寒的地方。

不知道该怎么应对老板好。我现在有点想把这个学期干完，下个学期就换到别的地方去。
暂且不说现在申请太晚了，我很担心老板会怎么处理我，而且我暑假要回国办婚礼，返签
的时候还想保留这个学校的学籍呢。。。。。。。该怎么说好呢？

偶挨骂偶也出声 (6)

有人觉得我唐僧，是因为我想把整个事情详细的放在大家面前让大家评判，身在庐山不知
路，我也觉得我犯了很多错误，过于自私，对于老板我是不是过于偏激，所以让大家说。
我的基本情况，也许没有说清楚，在1个月之前我根本不知道老板也有support我，根本没
有人跟我提过做RA两个字，我这学期做的是TA的活。offer letter上也写得很清楚，而且
我是pay9个月的，不包括暑假。到昨天为止，也从来没有人跟我说过作graduate
student有些什么规矩，比如说休假和工作时间等等，我只听到老板的规矩而已，每周休
息一天，其他就要从早上九点干到晚上10点，算算是多少小时！

我的寒假take leave确实很过份，但中间确实有很多误会的存在。首先是签证一直拖着不
下，使我不能确定到底去不去，于是也不能提前跟老板说到底走不走。其次，有一次我在
跟别人谈签证苦恼的时候老板正好进来，劈头问我在干什么，我就说了签证的事情，所以
我一直以为老板是知道的，谁知道他2秒钟以后就忘了，事后我提起这件事情，老板的回
答是他在旁边听到的不算，我要正式的告诉他才算。。。。再次，有人质问我机票的事情
，飞机票是申请日本签证的必须材料之一，虽然很不合理，但我确实就大约挑了个寒假的
时间，买了票和申请一起寄了过去。这又是个很长的故事，我甚至打电话到东京外务省就
这点complain，否则，我大概根本来不及在机票上departure的前一天晚上9点才拿到visa
。

我要寒暑假都take leave，看来实在过份，但我也跟老板说过了我的苦衷，我去年结婚的
时候sars，所以没办婚礼，后来劳工生病动了手术，我在他没有完全康复的情况下就来了
美国，我总觉得自己不是个好妻子，所以去日本看他，我总觉得作为父母唯一的孩子，欠
家里一个婚礼，欠劳工悉心的陪伴，所以暑假也想回去。而且，我暑假根本不打算拿他一
分钱。2月份告诉他，难道很晚吗？
但是所有的这些excuse，老板统统不接受，他就因为他不是第一个听到我所有这些打算的
人而angry。
所有针对我的指责我都接受。但是我就是难以接受顺顺当当作一个老板slave，没有任何
时间take personal life的命运。对于这个project，我本来是兴趣一般吧，如果老板引
导的好，我可以变成狂感兴趣狂干活，但是现在却被老板弄得彻底失去了兴趣，只要做实
验就会想到是被老板压着干。

故事结束了，现在老板正在看这片汪洋大水(7)

在坛子上引起一场大水，偶很有成就感。不过我的故事今天就有结果了。老板前天叫我过
去写formal letter的时候，我就感觉他要fire我，但要我给他一个no interest的理由。
昨天我的回信和他的回信，大家都看到了，两个人都想站在safe side，老板更是把一腔
怨气狠狠地发了出来。我之所以很大胆的把所有经过都贴出来，是因为我想知道我错到了
一个什么样子的程度，而老板又有哪些确实不对的地方。看到各位毫不相干的筒子们的评
论，我还真有grow in pain的感觉。就像很多人说的一样，以我过去种种表现，种种态度
早就该被fire。今天花了大半天给老板写信，apologize for my inconsiderable and
self-centered manner，并且说我现在take 的project一直不太顺利，我想把它继续做下
去到有个比较好的结果为止，期间我也不要support了，就把它当作research的学分，至
于以后，我想办法另谋出路。结果很快，老板的答复就到了，说不需要我再做实验，我再
也不许进他们的实验室和办公室，当然，钱也没有。我的结局就是如此。忽然之间，我觉
得面前一片海阔天空。
在这里，更多的是我自己太不知天高地厚，跟老板怄，在hardworking这点上较真，最后
永远是自己被hurt。
我并不认为自己unqualify for PhD或者是个天生的lazy woman,否则我也不会在本科的时
候就发了篇SCI，那时候也是日干夜干啊，老板其实也就有个idea，但是具体怎么做也不
是很清楚，我全是自己瞎捣鼓，但是很有成就感很快乐，尤其是看到老板一脸感激的样子
（发SCI他有一万块钱的奖金）。
最后，希望大家转贴不要只贴5，千万连着前面的后面的一起看。5里面只有老板的一面之
词，他说我的not hardworking都是based on前面贴得policy of working time的。

以下是她老板的回贴:
　　Hello, Everybody. My name is Shen Youqing. I am the one who has been accused by my former student, Wu Weiwei, as “cold blood”, unreasonable person posted on this BBS. website.
　　I did not know I was famous due to this before a person unknown to me sent one of the posts yesterday afternoon. Because she put her own version of truth there, and she pretends to be nice weak girl, there are some tears for her. After I browse part of the discussion, I decide to post my response here. If you have any questions, please send them to me at [email protected].
　　I swear I tell the truth. If not, you feel free to put any curse on me.
　　1). Motivating students. I discuss very often with my students either by having a chat or on group meeting. Here is what I said to them.
　　“I worked both in company and in the university now, being hired and hiring sb else (mean sitting in committees). We all know that local people are much easier than us to get a job. It is not all because of discrimination. First, they have no problem with communication. They easily find sth in common, say talking baseball, during interview. Just by talking this, they will feel close already. Plus, they can easily perceive a local person growing in the same culture, but not a foreigner growing up in a different culture, just like us that we are easily to perceive a Chinese, but not easily perceive an American. They are thus more comfortable to hire a local person. Also, we usually need the company to apply for green cards for us, not a big deal for big companies but at least put an extra work for human resources. Therefore, if you are not significantly better than a local candidate, you will not be hired. But how do we demonstrate our capability? We have to show them your hard evidence. The only thing is your publications. If you are in MIT, Harvard or with a Nobel Prize winner supervisor, the school or the supervisor itself is a golden brand. You may need not to have too much to get a good job. But unfortunately you did not have a chance to be in those top 10 and your supervisor is no-name assistant. What we can do is to work together to have good publications to show your capability. For us in such as medium (or “LAN” by sb), this is the only way. Imagine you graduate here as a foreigner with no publication and poor English, can you get a job here? Even you want to go back China, the universities in China is not cheap now. You will not find position if you do like this.
　　I believe what is said “the reason or luck that we can survive on the piece of land is that not all local people can work as hard as us”!
　　For your publications, I surely share credits because I also work for them on grant and for ideas. But who get more credits? Let say you have a Nature paper. I surely feel shining. I may get promotion in 4y rather than 5-6y, but how much difference is? But with this paper, you can knock the doors of the best universities or best companies with good salary and position. Therefore, we work together and share the credits. You can not say “you work for me or my slaves”.

　　This is summary. I discussed with her in English and Chinese, but seems no use to her.
　　As for graduation, I told everybody in my group that I expected them to graduate in 3y, and as long as he or she get enough results, he or she can graduate in 2y. I do not care about time but results. I made a promise to them that I will not hold them by using any excuse.
　　2) The project: Even though my projects are not the best one, I feel them interesting. I first assigned her a “CO2” project. You may know that recently years the government support research to store CO2 in some places (e.g. deep underground) because there is too much CO2 in atmosphere; otherwise the global temperature will constantly increases. But CO2 separation is too expensive now, and not feasible for storage. I plan to use new approach to separate CO2. She did not tell me she was not interested in. Later, I learned from my colleague that she is interested in drug delivery. I hesitated because of her skill and work attitude. She always put her reaction there and disappeared without observation! Especially, working on cells needs extra time because once experiments begin, you cannot stop and need analyze immediately. But she would stop the reaction and put in the refrigerator, and process it in second day, whether early or later of the day. But I want to make her working hard without pushing. I tried to change her project to gene delivery, which she claimed to be interested in. But before I said, she told me “I will not do any experiments involving organics”. All my work involves organics synthesis (actually most of them are simple and she does not have the ability and background to run complicated ones). What can you do if you were me?
　　3). Literature reading: Last semester she had only 3 courses. She was asked to take English class but she did not. She had almost all afternoon free. Thus I asked her to read one review on CO2 sequestration. We are only interested in CO2 separation. SO I asked her to read this section (less than 10 pages). Even at the end of the semester, she did not finish it, and did not check any cited literature there? That’s what she claimed literature reading. Do you believe she was in her office reading?
　　4) Her vacation: Last semester on Dec. 15, only before she went to Japan, and only when I asked her to do some work, she told me that she was going for Japan. Because she said she was newly married. I did not say anything but that you should let me know earlier for both guidance and safety reasons. She came back on Jan 17, but still did not came to the lab until Jan. 21 I called her. She said she did not feel good. Her working time for the left time of Jan. totally was less than one day! In the middle of Feb., the department had some summer stipend enhancement (~$600/per student). I wanted get them for all of my students, but my department secretary told me “Weiwei does not need it because she will be in China”. If you say you are happy with that, please let me know I want you as my mentor to learn how to control temper. I did speak loudly at her in my office. She then went to see our department head crying and accusing me for everything.
　　5) Her work: If you see how did experiments, you may laugh at me how I got such a student. She did experiments just like a person cooking but afraid of splitting oil contaminating her clothes! Form Jan. 21 to Feb. 29, she only have ca. 5 experiments (typically 1-6 h). Generally she put the reactor in water bath then disappeared without observation! In the afternoon, she took out and processed it in second day. Here there are many chemists, what results will you get if you do this?
　　Because she does not have any polymerization/organic synthesis background, I asked her to do simple one first. I told her even though it is simple, it is a new system and basic research. It will also be publishable, at least on a journal better than the one of she claimed her SCI paper (Synthetic Metals (2003), 137(1-3), 1515-1516). More importantly, she gets trained first. But she said “well, what is applications? No use for basic research? How do you know it works, and so on”. I needed explain one by one. That is her attitude.
　　Last week I asked her to work harder. “You need come to work on weekend (one day) because your project got nothing”. She then went to see our graduate coordinator and accused me of interfering her rights!
　　6) Her credibility: I never know if she tells the truth. I just want to give you two examples. In her last e-mail, she did apologize to me, but she said “ but I did not know you were my supervisor, and you supported me. Nobody told me…”. However, in her offer letter, it was clearly indicated that “Dr. She is you supervisor….. and support you”. I also ask her friend who recommended her to me if she told her I would supported her. Her friend said “ Surely she knows and I told her”. Another, she said “I do not know your research involves organics”. Do you believe her claim? She applied with checking my web page? Shanghai has so many WANG BA if she did not have a computer! I also asked her friend, but she said “surely I described what kind research we are doing. Surely she knows we are doing organic synthesis”.
　　She disappears in the lab, but if you ask, she surely has very reasonable excuses, maybe in library or not feeling good.
　　7) My decision: I noticed that some of you are angry at my “cold blood”. Typically “she already apologized but he still fired her”.
　　We all went through the process “TOEFL-GRE-APPLYING-Anxious waiting- borrowing money for air ticket”. For so many years, how much time and money we investigated? how many times we struggled in the mooning to get up for reading English? Who will forget those? Especially, she applied for 30 universities in 2 years, but did not get any offer. I took her only because her friend recommended to me. At that time, I just started here without any experience on this. I thought it might be better to have one who we know. She graduated from Shanghai Jiaotong University, not a bad one.
　　However, for these several days she did not appear in the lab at all. I discussed with our staffs. What I was told is “Youqing, I do not think you can do with her. She seems always want to do things in her own way. She was supposed to take English class in last semester because she came later in the summer, but she never listened to me. We assigned her office. She complained lots, and she is the only one. Even during her applying, she always sent us e-mail “I want…”. I came back my office I saw her e-mail. My department head came to my office. He wanted to discuss with me if we should keep her. I showed him the e-mail, and then he said “that’s it. We can do nothing then” . Later, I got the e-mail and knew that she was putting those distorted truth on the BBS with my payment!
　　At this point, I should not fire her? Those who want to kick my ass please let me know if you should! If you are proud of her, and think she promotes our Chinese student profile in your universities, please help her to transfer to your group! Also I want to say, we all struggle on the new piece of land. I want to ask, if you could do what I did if she does all of these to you? Also, my colleague already told me that “she may just want to hang around and wait to transfer to her husband place.” You have the right to transfer, but do you have the right to just foolish your supervisor? If the project fails, where is the support? One guy said “for a Chinese Prof, just use him to come here. Once here, kick him off”. I just wonder if this kind person is human being or animal!
　　By the way, before I made the decision, I called our international student office and asked if her visa would be a problem. I was told that if she could support herself, there was no problem for this semester. She was paid $2000/m for the past 6 months. Here the rent is about $250 (2 bedroom shared by 2 person). She was proud that she could buy a car in two months. All others are about $1400/m. I struggled one Ph.D. enhancement for her from the college.
　　Here is what I wrote in the whole night. This will be my only response to her. I will not feel any pain any more. My last advice to her is still “if you want others to be reasonable to you, to be reasonable first”. In Chinese “Ni Jing WO YI CHI, WO JING NI YI ZHANG”. And also, to be a human being, you need have “Liang Xin”.
　　Finally, I appreciate your encouragement, suggestion and criticism. From this time, I have learned a lot. I know what I should do in future. If you have any comments, send me an e-mail. Even though some of you say this university “LAN”, I still enjoy doing research here. Please visit my website to see if we have sth in common. If you are working in close areas, I hope to learn sth from you.

　　Sincerely Youqing Shen

http://wwweng.uwyo.edu/chemical/faculty/shen.html