2.Green Peeve:

Oh Drew. Oh honey, no. No. No. No. Did Kermit teach you nothing? You know it's not easy being green (or Mrs. Tom Green, for that matter, as you learned the hard way), but it's so much more difficult when you flagrantly flaunt your lack of foundation garments in a frightfully unflattering Gucci gown. And please, we're begging you, quit slouching, because if you lean forward any more, your gravity-succumbing décolletage is in danger of either being trapped in your frock's unsightly attached belt or swallowed whole by its ruffled cap sleeves. Seriously, we think you're cute as a bug's ear, even with your weary-to-the-point-of-catatonic tresses and misguided makeup, but this execrable ensemble truly pains us and leaves us no choice but to resort to the words of E.T. and say, "Ouch."

3.Sling Not:

Pamela Anderson deserves kudos for her valiant attempt to class up her image by covering up her tremendous talents in a vintage black and white column from Bill Blass. Too bad the hypermammiferous bombshell's demure draping neckline bears a scary resemblance to a tightly strapped-on baby sling with a pair of twins wriggling inside. Fortunately, Pam's efforts to tone things down succeed far better with her makeup, as she opts for a soft and understated palette as opposed to her usual drag-queen-with-a-spray-gun war paint.

4.Second-Hand Pose:

Reese Witherspoon was probably inundated with offers from designers desperate to dress her for the Golden Globes. So how the heck did she end up in the same too simple vintage Chanel dress that Kirsten Dunst wore on the Globe party circuit three years ago? Yup, the poised, pretty and perfectly coiffed Reese collected her Best Actress prize for "Walk the Line" in hand-me-down haute couture, a fashion faux pas that's right up there with the socks-and-sandals combo and visible panty line. And although this glittery gold and off-white A-line frock is fun and flirty, it lacks that certain element of class and elegance we've come to expect from the fabulous Mrs. Phillippe.

5.Double Scoop:

And the award for the most overexposed bosom in Hollywood goes to ... Scarlett Johansson! The pneumatic starlet's exhausted assets should stage a cleavage coup and start demanding a portion of her paycheck, 'cause lately they seem to be doing much of the heavy lifting (here, they get a little help from the built-in pushup bra sewn into her sexy but run-of-the-mill red Valentino gown). Though there's nothing wrong with Scarlett showing off the preternatural perkiness found only in 21-year-old It Girls (as verified by a touchy-feely Isaac Mizrahi on the red carpet), she seems to think the phrase "taking it on the chin" means cramming her breasts into a breathtaking scoop neck bodice (and we mean that "breathtaking" part literally) and jacking them up to gravity-defying heights.

6.From Here to Maternity:

Somewhere, a temple is missing a fertility goddess. An expectant Gwyneth Paltrow models a flowing, fussy cream Balenciaga dress that would be the perfect thing to wear if you were a virgin about to be sacrificed to a mythical beast. Or were re-enacting scenes from your favorite Jane Austen flick (we're guessing the Oscar winner has a soft spot for "Emma"). Or perhaps playing Wench No. 2 at the Renaissance Fair. But on the red carpet, the swelling star's style falls somewhere short of divine and has us down on our knees praying that her maternal fashion instinct kicks in before the Oscars.

7.Brief Encounter:

Ever had that dream in which you find yourself in front of a huge crowd of people clad only in your undies? It's turned into a waking nightmare for Alanis Morissette, who arrives at the Golden Globes wearing nothing but her grandma's nude-hued strapless girdle and a hiked-up slip with a heartbreaking elastic waistband. The pop queen-turned-dowager finishes her dumpy, dated look by styling Heather Locklear's feathered 'do from Dynasty, circa 1981, and slipping into Bjorn Borg's equally outmoded terry-cloth wristbands, which she has unwisely blinged out for the occasion.

8.Droop Dead Gorgeous:

Supermodel, style thyself. Heidi Klum suffers some serious separation anxiety as her dangerously sagging sweetheart neckline seems to be unsuccessfully attempting to slink away from the blight of the bejeweled, sci-fi inspired pliers-meet-dog-collar halter of her silvery Costume National gown (and really, who can blame it?). The "Project Runway" knockout has obviously failed to learn from her own show, as she covers up her toned post-pregnancy figure in this poorly conceived dud of a design, which she makes all the worse with meek makeup and crispy, tossed back tresses.

9.'Anatomy' Lesson:

If Nicole Richie failed to convince you that clavicles that can slice lunch meat are the exact opposite of sexy, then behold Ellen Pompeo, whose neckline is so sharp and hollowed out that you could easily lose a quarter in its depths -- and cut your hand trying to fish it out. The crimp-haired and cadaverous "Grey's Anatomy" actress opts to cover up her frail frame beneath an unbalanced, belted Valentino number that is scarily narrow on the bottom and oddly oversized on top. And we're at a loss to explain the lacy bodice decorated with what appear to be several hundred tiny squares of toilet paper, which we guess could come in handy should anyone cut themselves shaving on the red carpet.