>what kind of man is a nice man? How to tell?

You need to date a few men, compare them, and think about what's good or bad about each of them. Then you'll be able to tell who will be the best for you, or what you prefer.

There are two things from your story that I found you didn't do right.

1) you didn't listen to your parents and got married with your husband secretly. I consider this is really bad of you. I am sorry. It's ok to date a person that your parents don't like, but your parents are not blind. Sounds like they are very reasonable. They must have the reason to say he's not good enough for you. You really should have listen or at least think about it carefully. Getting married secretly is... not respect your parents. Consider your parents' feeling. They must be very hurt.

2) When you got the PHD offer to the US, you asked your husband if you should go. He was not agree, and you came to the US anyway. This is not very good either.

But anyway, my father taught me, when my husband and I have disagreement, then talk through it. Don't make the change and force the other one to accept. I think this is the right approach unless one of you are the "not reasonable" person.

Life is artistic, I hope everyone is happy.